He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
