theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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