Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My dad is sitting where you rode me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize