This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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