I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
