oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
