Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
