Slut skills are useful in every country.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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