There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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