I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
