Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
