Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
