Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
