i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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