just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize