The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
