I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
