why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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