Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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