LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize