A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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