ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Enjoy the penises
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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