My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
