I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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