I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
