is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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