Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize