All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
