just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
