dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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