He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
