i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My bed smells like the plague
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
