I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
