I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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