I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
