Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Text me some of your sweat
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