For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
