I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
