i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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