at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They have beer where we have blood.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
