He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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