do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
