I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
