This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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