I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
