I want to make a zoo with you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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