can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
