Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
