That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
