Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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