thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
did i just pee glitter
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my moral compass just broke
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
