I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
