Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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